The story of my Mother In Law

Let me introduce you to and tell you the story of my mother in law. 

My mother in law's name is Barbara. We have definitely had our ups and downs over the years but deep down she is a sweet woman and for mother in laws I really did luck out in that department. 

My mother in law came to live with us under pretty horrible circumstances considering. My father in law passed away and at the time we lived in Utah and they lived in Alabama. My husbands 2 brothers lived near them and were more involved in their day to day lives than we were. As a matter of fact one of them lived less than 500 feet from them. 

Anyhow over a very quick period of about a year and a half to 2 years there was mis-management of funds and assets and she lost her home. She became increasingly agitated and I really believe this was the beginning of her more severe dementia coming out. 

We got the call one Thursday that we had to come and pick her up and basically take custody of her or the state of Alabama was going to. The very next day I went to work and after work my husband and I jumped in our vehicle and literally drove straight through from Utah to Alabama. Took care of everything with the state of the Alabama and were given everything she owned which at that time was in 2 large plastic tote containers and a few garbage bags. At that moment my heart absolutely was shattered for this woman. To think that your husband passes away and the people around allow you to literally lose EVERY THING you and your husband had worked your entire lives for. 

We got her back to Utah and she lived in our home for a brief time. 

During this time began the downs of our relationship. Looking back now I really believe she was just truly unhappy with everything that happened and that was the root cause of her behaviors. But in the moment I really developed some not so good feelings toward this person. She was hell bent on ruining my relationship with my husband which at that time we were about 13 years in. I would go to work and find every excuse to stay there and not go home because I was just absolutely miserable with her in my home. She was not nice to me and honestly not even nice to her own son. But what do you do but take care of your mother and I knew that is what he needed to do. 

We then came up with a plan to purchase a camping trailer and put her basically in our back yard and allow her to live there so she could have her own space. Her own independence but yet be close enough we could continue to care for her and make sure that she was ok. 

This solution worked great for us. Granted there were downs during this time also but we pushed through them and I again think this was more of her dementia beginning to show. 

We had one incident where she ended up in the local emergency room and they felt it was best to transfer her to a mental hospital in the Salt Lake City area and she was there for a week and that is where we got the official diagnosis of dementia and bi polar. 

The time came where we as a family made the decision to move across country to Georgia. 

We packed ours and her belongings into her camper trailer. Hooked it to our van and loaded everyone into 2 vehicles and headed across country. Once in Georgia the decision was made that she had progressed far enough in her disease she would again live in our home. We gave her the largest bedroom. We set her up with everything she needed included her own television with cable and a sitting area so she could basically have her own space again. This upset her greatly. She hated that we took away 100% of her independence and I get that. This was the turning point in our lives. A day came where she decided she just wasnt going to walk again. It literally happened just like that. She woke up and said "god took her ability to walk" and I needed to carry her every where. My mother in law is not a small woman. That was not happening. I took her to see a family dr and during that visit she did some very strange and out of the complete ordinary things that just perplexed this dr. After watching her behavior and listening to my stories and explanations and seeing just how plainly exhausted and frustrated I was he said I could no longer care for her the way she needed and he placed her in a nursing home. Honestly that was a blessing in disguise. I am not necessarily pro nursing homes. I feel people should stay at home as long as possible and that families should step in and care of these family members however in this case I could not give her the care she needed and deserved and it was best for both of us that she was placed in that home. It is a wonderful home in Lumber City Georgia. They take amazing care of her and she has been there almost 5 years now. She has been happy .. she has made friends .. she was completely involved in the activities there. The staff seem to love her and enjoy interacting with her and her with them. She had some issues in the beginning finding the right roommate and getting along but finally found one and they shared a room for a little over 3 years before Juanita passed away. Since Juanita passed my mother in law has started to decline. It was very slow at first. I noticed that shew as becoming withdrawn and not as involved. Then one day she fell while using the restroom and fractured her shoulder. That was most definitely the beginning of what is sure to be the end. 

She had a hospital stay in the ICU where we were not sure she was going to make it. 

Now she is refusing to eat anything at all and barely even drinks. 

She has a pretty large wound on her bottom from being in bed all the time which continues to just get worse instead of healing. 

Yesterday the decision was made to bring hospice in as they can give her the extra care she needs to keep her comfortable until the end. I should be handling that admission stuff today.