I suck

I completely suck at blogging and need to get better at it for sure. I need to start committing to at least once a week. 

Summer has come and gone. 

The big kids are back in school. 

My youngest daughter starts Pre-K this friday. 

I have my  youngest grandson only really part time. 

Hubby's job is still going good. We are making pretty decent money. 

I made a commitment yesterday to my health. I am going to try to eat better but I am definitely going to exercise at  least 5 days a week. The Noom thing did not work out for me. Just wasnt enough accountability for me I guess. Yesterday I subscribed to Daily Burn so I could stream the exercise videos on my Roku. Yesterday I got 30 minutes in. Today I am sore but I am about to go get my work out on again. I need to make better conscious decisions about my food but maybe that will come once I conquer the working out every day thing.  

My daughter is still stuck in above her head in this ugly battle with her soon to be ex. 

He is currently sitting in jail for harassing and stalking us. We have had 3 court dates regarding this issue and have another yet to come. He should be served the divorce papers this week. The problem with this divorce is we want to try to get it to happen in the county we live in but not sure we can so if it has to happen over in the county where they were married this is going to cost A LOT!!!!! 

The New Normal

Things are finally settling into a somewhat normal pattern. 

My youngest daughter was offered a store of her own which is about 40 minutes away. They are all moved out and settling into their new place. She brings the kids to me at 5am. When they get here the youngest boy is wide awake and ready for the day so that is when my day starts. 

My oldest daughter got a job so whens he works I have her kids. Sometimes just the youngest girl and other times both of hers. 

When the big kids get out of school in 3 weeks I will have all 4 kids all day long .. lord give me the patience. 

Another day in para.......

So a continuation of yesterdays post .... 

Since my oldest daughter moved home with her 2 kids 

And I have my youngest daughter .. her boyfriend and her 2 kids living at home for at least another week or so ... 

I am babysitting/watching all 4 kids. 

It is spring break ... 

We are on day 3 ... 

I am certain that I will not make it through this day. 

It is 9:35am 

I have changed a poopy diaper 2 times...

I have made breakfast 4 times ... 

I have cut 2 bananas for the toddlers ... 

I have broken up a dozen or more fights/arguments

The youngest grandson is definitely in a mood that is sure to send me over the edge 

When will this week end?!?!?!?!

Holy Cow Life Update

I dont even know where to begin .... 

I guess back at the beginning of March .. so I have an entire month to catch up on. 

Firstly on March 1st my oldest daughter called and stated that she was again having problems in her marriage. This is a marriage that I wish had never happened. It is a relationship that I wish would have never happened. It has been very abusive to not only her but to my grandchildren. But had the relationship not happened I suppose I wouldnt have my awesome amazing grand daughter Laikyn. It was my daughters choice and we tried to support her through it the best we could. There was continual emotional and mental abuse. It was a very very controlling relationship. The fighting was absolutely insane in that household and my grand children were subject to it all! Many times I considered having the authorities step in but time and time again I was told by people in legal positions that it would be an uphill battle for me as the grand parent to remove my grand children from that situation. There was continued infidelity on one side of the relationship and lets just say that it was NOT my daughter. Not even 1 time but the other half was caught anywhere from 1-3 times a month .. yes you read that right and yet my daughter stayed and tried to make it work. So back again on the 1st she calls to tell me again of another incident. I offer my motherly advice and support and the call ends. Saturday the 2nd she calls and tells me that she has decided they are going to do marital counseling and make it work. Again motherly advice and support. If that is her choice that is her choice. She is an adult and I cannot stop it. On the morning of Sunday March 3rd I receive a phone call of her screaming "Mom Mom I want to leave and he wont let me. He has done something to my car. I just want to take the kids and leave" I tell her to call the police and we hang up. My gut instinct tells me to get in the car and make the 90 minute drive to get to her. Before doing that I call the police in her town and ask for an immediate well check on her and my grand kids. As I am headed over there she passes me on the road; so I turn around and meet back at my home. She has been at my home since. She stated she was done. She wanted out of the marriage and it had run its course it was time to end it all. On the morning of March 4th she makes contact with him and informs him that he may call 1 time a day to speak to their daughter. Thats it. Keep this in mind for later in my post. 

The night of March 4th at 10:40pm my Mother In Law passed away. We knew it was coming. The week before this we actually had called hospice in to take over her care because we knew the end was near. Did not make it any easier. As I sit here and type this I am choked up with emotion. I miss that woman! Stubborn, hard headed and very independent to the very end I loved her!! Keep in mind also knowing that the end was near we spent every moment we could with her. On this day of her passing my daughter and I were down at the nursing home for quite a few hours with her. During this time the said soon to be ex party mentioned above called multiple times. His voice mails ranged from "I want to talk to my daughter" to "You crazy people are keeping my daughter from me and I am going to come out there and take her" ...he literally spun out of control because we were not at home every minute of the day to "wait" for his call and be at his beck and call. This is the begin of the craziness. 

We had a short week of about 7 days where he would call .. talk to his daughter and hang up the phone. We thought ok this is going to work out. We were going to be adult about this and things will be ok. At one point my daughter considered filing the divorce papers on their own. Coming up with a parenting plan on their own. That quickly dissolved. The calls got more and more. There is one day that I have 28 calls from him in a 2 hour time frame. Who has that much time on their hands. In that time frame .. I have 9 voice mails that range from "Lets be adults and work together on this" to "I am going to come get my daughter and take care of all of you people in the process" .. Calling my daughter every name in the book ... screaming into the phone so much so that we could tell he was probably spitting on himself and his phone. He even mentioned FULL name of one of the females he was going to "cheat" on my daughter with. Talk about insane. Now remember I have my youngest daughter and her 2 kids that live with me also. So this chaos was being inflicted on EVERY member of my household. So I put a stop to it. I changed my phone number. He will NOT have it. When the courts order my daughter to allow him to call and speak to his daughter we will find a different phone and number that he can call. My daughter was granted an emergency Temporary Protection Order yesterday and starts a new job today. We just found out that this person has acquired a vehicle so now we have to be hyper vigilant and aware of our surroundings and the people around us. We hope to have a divorce attorney hired within the next week or so'ish. Someone who can help dissolve this union and be an advocate for the best interest of my grand daughter. We dont want to keep her from him. She loves her dad and they have a great relationship aside from her being subjected to the fighting and his bad behaviors. But it apparently is going to take a judge to tell him how he must behave when it comes to her and being around her and also to her mother. Plain and simple. You must conduct yourself as an adult and if you cannot handle that on your own then we will have someone step in and ensure that you do that and if you still cannot do that then you alone will face the consequences of your decisions. I have figured out that throughout his life there really have never been any consequences. He gets what he wants. He gets out of trouble whenever trouble comes his way and so he has ZERO accountability. He will not own up to his behaviors. He wont admit that he acted inappropriately even if it was out of anger and frustration and hurt you still are not allowed to act that way and harass an entire household of people to get your way. 

I will do better at updating here and keeping you all up to date on what happens in this situation because it is FAR from over. 

She returns to court on April 15 to have the final hearing in the Protective Order situation. Hopefully we have an attorney to be there with her but irregardless we have enough physical proof of his unstable behavior that we will at least get part of what we are asking for. The sad thing is all we are asking for is for him to behave like an adult and conduct himself in a manner as such. 

The story of my Mother In Law

Let me introduce you to and tell you the story of my mother in law. 

My mother in law's name is Barbara. We have definitely had our ups and downs over the years but deep down she is a sweet woman and for mother in laws I really did luck out in that department. 

My mother in law came to live with us under pretty horrible circumstances considering. My father in law passed away and at the time we lived in Utah and they lived in Alabama. My husbands 2 brothers lived near them and were more involved in their day to day lives than we were. As a matter of fact one of them lived less than 500 feet from them. 

Anyhow over a very quick period of about a year and a half to 2 years there was mis-management of funds and assets and she lost her home. She became increasingly agitated and I really believe this was the beginning of her more severe dementia coming out. 

We got the call one Thursday that we had to come and pick her up and basically take custody of her or the state of Alabama was going to. The very next day I went to work and after work my husband and I jumped in our vehicle and literally drove straight through from Utah to Alabama. Took care of everything with the state of the Alabama and were given everything she owned which at that time was in 2 large plastic tote containers and a few garbage bags. At that moment my heart absolutely was shattered for this woman. To think that your husband passes away and the people around allow you to literally lose EVERY THING you and your husband had worked your entire lives for. 

We got her back to Utah and she lived in our home for a brief time. 

During this time began the downs of our relationship. Looking back now I really believe she was just truly unhappy with everything that happened and that was the root cause of her behaviors. But in the moment I really developed some not so good feelings toward this person. She was hell bent on ruining my relationship with my husband which at that time we were about 13 years in. I would go to work and find every excuse to stay there and not go home because I was just absolutely miserable with her in my home. She was not nice to me and honestly not even nice to her own son. But what do you do but take care of your mother and I knew that is what he needed to do. 

We then came up with a plan to purchase a camping trailer and put her basically in our back yard and allow her to live there so she could have her own space. Her own independence but yet be close enough we could continue to care for her and make sure that she was ok. 

This solution worked great for us. Granted there were downs during this time also but we pushed through them and I again think this was more of her dementia beginning to show. 

We had one incident where she ended up in the local emergency room and they felt it was best to transfer her to a mental hospital in the Salt Lake City area and she was there for a week and that is where we got the official diagnosis of dementia and bi polar. 

The time came where we as a family made the decision to move across country to Georgia. 

We packed ours and her belongings into her camper trailer. Hooked it to our van and loaded everyone into 2 vehicles and headed across country. Once in Georgia the decision was made that she had progressed far enough in her disease she would again live in our home. We gave her the largest bedroom. We set her up with everything she needed included her own television with cable and a sitting area so she could basically have her own space again. This upset her greatly. She hated that we took away 100% of her independence and I get that. This was the turning point in our lives. A day came where she decided she just wasnt going to walk again. It literally happened just like that. She woke up and said "god took her ability to walk" and I needed to carry her every where. My mother in law is not a small woman. That was not happening. I took her to see a family dr and during that visit she did some very strange and out of the complete ordinary things that just perplexed this dr. After watching her behavior and listening to my stories and explanations and seeing just how plainly exhausted and frustrated I was he said I could no longer care for her the way she needed and he placed her in a nursing home. Honestly that was a blessing in disguise. I am not necessarily pro nursing homes. I feel people should stay at home as long as possible and that families should step in and care of these family members however in this case I could not give her the care she needed and deserved and it was best for both of us that she was placed in that home. It is a wonderful home in Lumber City Georgia. They take amazing care of her and she has been there almost 5 years now. She has been happy .. she has made friends .. she was completely involved in the activities there. The staff seem to love her and enjoy interacting with her and her with them. She had some issues in the beginning finding the right roommate and getting along but finally found one and they shared a room for a little over 3 years before Juanita passed away. Since Juanita passed my mother in law has started to decline. It was very slow at first. I noticed that shew as becoming withdrawn and not as involved. Then one day she fell while using the restroom and fractured her shoulder. That was most definitely the beginning of what is sure to be the end. 

She had a hospital stay in the ICU where we were not sure she was going to make it. 

Now she is refusing to eat anything at all and barely even drinks. 

She has a pretty large wound on her bottom from being in bed all the time which continues to just get worse instead of healing. 

Yesterday the decision was made to bring hospice in as they can give her the extra care she needs to keep her comfortable until the end. I should be handling that admission stuff today. 

 

To weigh or not to weigh

So back during the summer months my daughter and I decided to give Keto a try. 

It worked for the most part however we were both so sick while doing it .. 

Then I had a dr visit and my dr said no I dont want you doing Keto or at least not full on Keto because she said I was starving myself and not getting the nutrients I needed. 

So we stopped ... 

Since then I know I have put on weight .. I hadnt actually weighed myself well because I didnt really want to know but I knew I had put on weight.  

I made the decision a couple of weeks ago that in the New Year I would make changes and try to get my weight back under control. 

See for me the weight thing is just as much mental and emotional as it is physical so I think I need to get to the root of the emotional part to help with the physical part. 

I signed up for Noom. It is supposed to be good so we will see. I get a 14 day trial and during that 14 days I can decide if it might work for me. 

So they asked that I weigh myself first thing this morning and I did .. 

357 ... definitely not as much as I thought it was because I was guessing more like 375 but I definitely have put on about 40 pounds since stopping Keto and that is no good either. 

So here is my journey ... I am going to log my meals and foods and hopefully be held accountable for it all. 

Once I can start on the mental and emotional and get that kind of under control and develop some decent eating habits then I will add in the physical exercise part. I really want an exercise bike or treadmill so I am on the hunt for one of those.  

Thanks for joining me on my journey.